I think, in terms of recovery, that a good benchmark is not having to take long naps after everytime I need to go out for any length of time. As it is, I've taken no naps or rest breaks today, unless you count vegging out in front of the computer a 'rest break'. Days like these, I'm so happy that I was a pretty healthy chick before all this started. I'm not sure if I would have bounced back so well if I hadn't been concious of taking care of myself (not that I was a serious health-freak or anything like that).

And of course, I'm a total new age hippy, in that I believe I had a wealth of positive energy from everyone's thoughts and prayers that helped me come back. It's a very nice thought.

Speaking of positive energy, I haven't thanked in LJ for the beautiful flowers that came to my door the other day. And I also got cards from and . Thank you very much. (Rick your card was hilarious and I'm pretty sure the doctors said all of that to me at a point)

Today, I played Halo 2, got my digital cable set up, and had a veggie Quizno's sub with the boy. I visited my new doctor who told me to get some blood tests done (fun, fun, fun!), and went to the Ministry of Health to get my missing health card replaced, and then I cabbed home. Like I said, I don't feel like resting yet, and that's a good sign that my energy level is getting back to normal.

Tonight, I'm taking it easy with the boy over at his place. It should be nice (it's always nice).

Tomorrow, I'm having a party at our pub (The Red Hot Chilli Pepper, 1 St. Paul St., St. Catharines at 6PM if anyone is interested, no really come out and see me!) to celebrate coming home as well as it being my birthday. Isn't it neat that I could still celebrate those?

Blah blah blah blah blah.

I think the best thing that's come out of this situation (aside from me being alive), is finding out that someone loves you and wants to be there for you. He's stayed with me every single night at the hospital for hours on end, even when I was asleep. When you think of that kind of devotion and support, what else can you do but be eternally grateful and happy for those memories, even though those memories were tempered with some suckage. I went through a lot at the hospital; there was a lot of discomfort, and a lot of me feeling less than dignified. He stayed through it all and held my hand, telling me that he loves me. I have been in love with him for a while… this is what you do when you find a guy who's as caring, as sweet and as wonderful as he is and it's nice to have it reciprocated. I plan to hold on to this man for as long as I can.

I once said that i didn't mind being single and independent. Well as we all know, the unexpected comes up and a friend suddenly becomes a lover and then something more special than that.

Hell yes, I'm in love.

The biggest problem with me now is being able to get around for any significant amount of time without getting tired. I was in bed for a month, so I'll get back in shape before too long, but in the here and now, it's sort of frustrating. Yesterday, I went out for lunch with Dave and a bunch of co-worker buddies. I had intended to take a cab back home, but a bus was right there, so I took that instead. It let me off just a few doors away from my house. I had to cross a street, so falling into habit, I tried to speed up a little on the road. My legs didn't like that at all. They gave out and my chin had a sudden , but intimate moment with the pavement. It was pretty embarassing. I'd like to say it looked worse than it actually was, but I won't because it hurt like a mofo. However, I *was* bleeding more from the cut on my lip (from where I bit it when i fell) than the chin, so to the passersby that asked if I needed help, I probably looked like a freaky bloody mess.

I found a new family doctor (hopefully) at the clinic right beside where I work. Prior to that, I had to go all the way out to Niagara-On-The-Lake to see a doctor, so this will be much more convenient.

I'm going to go take a small nap now. An occupational therapist will be by shortly to see how I'm getting by around the house. After she leaves, I'll probably take another nap then play Halo 2.

And no, I didn't get Half Life 2 or Metroid Prime 2 yet. They'll be mine by the weekend though. I really do just want to play Halo first at least.

I have to admit, it's a little strange being home. And it's a little strange hearing from people how worried and scared they had been for me. As I always tell people, all I did was fall asleep, and when I woke up, I was okay. I guess I missed the more uglier moments, and I don't know how to take that.

People who go through near death experiences usually say something to the effect of how this has changed their life. Mine is certainly changed, but I still feel like myself. I still have the same worries, desires, etc. as I did before all this happened. I'm happy to be alive, certainly, but I'm not about to go dancing up and down the streets or make concerted efforts to “make the most of my life”. I try to make the most of my life everyday. Everyone should whether they've nearly died or not.

It's still a little tricky moving around the house. I still get a little tired after doing simple things like making food or going up and down the stairs. The trick is to listen to my body and not to push myself too hard. The boy's been around all weekend to help me out and it's been really nice just having him there. Even if it's just to watch him play GTA: San Andreas or to wake up next to him each morning with his arms around me.

I was happy to get out a bit too. On Saturday, we watched “Saw”, which I thought was a pretty frikken cool movie. Sunday, we went out to dinner at Kelsey's. I've never been more glad to be back in St. Catharines. Did I mention, extended hospital stays suck.

I can feel my muscles coming back. It's the same feeling a day after a workout when your limbs feel a little stiff and a bit sore, so maybe this is a good thing. I've been taking in protein shakes to supplement my meals. My appetite is still not all there yet, but I do try to eat, knowing it's the best way for me to recover.

Anyway, i'm sure all this is boring. I'm going to go wash my hair now.

I got back from the hospital last night. I'm still weak and my heart rate is still pretty high, and I still look like a zombified mess. I considered camming myself right now, but it's way too scary. I look and feel like an alien. There's a hole in my throat that's been bandaged over until it heals. My eyes are marbled scarlet. I have scabs all over my body. I lost a lot of muscle mass. I'm now this skinny, famished looking thing. Not sure why all those little things happened but that doesn't matter, because I guess I'm still here, ten fingers, ten toes and all.

Like said, I had Menengitis. It was a serious form of the disease and rare for my age. It struck my blood and organs. I went to sleep, after which the doctors sedated me, attached me to a bunch of funky machinery, injected me with uber expensive medecine and then waited for me to get better and wake up. When I went into St. Catharines general, apparently from recounts, my friends and my family were told that it's possible that I would die. They ambulanced me over to St. Joseph's in Hamilton where apparently I'd be getting the best care for this condition.

I was sedated for about 10 days. I don't really remember waking up. Things are too hazy. But I had a tracheostomy tube in my throat to assist with breathing. Unfortunately that meant having a hole in my throat and not being able to speak. I couldn't eat, I was still hooked up to intraveneous tubes. The next two weeks I was getting better and stronger, but being in a hospital sucked. Long and lonely hours.

Day by day something new happened. My trach was replaced, and taken out over the span of a week. My IV's were taken out. My eyes are healing so hopefully by my birthday next week i'll somewhat look normal. All that's left is for me to be able to walk down my stairs without getting winded.

I don't know what i would have done without my family and Dave M. Dave and I are officially in a relationship (complicated start, beautiful finish) and he's been absolutely wonderful through all this. He's stayed with me every day, coming in after work to keep me company, even buying me a portable DVD player to help pass the time. I can't say enough how grateful I am to have him in my life right now, despite the drama and complications that this might have caused.

I hope I didn't worry anyone too much. I'm overwhelmed by all the thoughts, well wishes and prayers I've received through family and friends (online and offline) and even through strangers. I think I was the patient with the most flowers and most visitors in that ward. I just want to thank everyone for everything.

There are so many people that I want to thank personally. Some of you know why.:

.Jason for just being there, even if it was at the beginning and for lying to me when i asked if I would be alright on that first night.
.Jamie and Dave, the necklace is beautiful
.Laura (Desecration)
.Kristine (Antisocial Dolly)
.Seijikat
.Forlorn99 (Rik ROCKS the casbah. Thank you for the flowers, thank you for leaving Toronto just to visit me, thanks for being all around cool)
.Dave D. (8mm), for updating his LJ with news about my condition. “may not survive…” pssssssssssh
.Mike T, Mike A, Vanessa, and the Goll, for coming by all the way from Toronto, cramped in Mike A's car to visit me
.Doug, Damian, Tozer, Bryan, Sanford, Dave Cho, Peter, Amanda and Steve for taking time out of their work schedules to come and visit
.the dude named “Ian” who sent the Chicken soup flowers via FTD. I don't know who you are but thanks.
.Sadaf, Ed, and Sean, sorry I was asleep
.Sarah and all the ladies at Wickedsmileys.com for the beautiful flowers
.my entire family. Thank you to my Aunts Emma and Ellen for saying St. Francis' prayer over me
.my co-workers at Silicon Knights. They pitched in and bought me a Crystal edition Xbox. How absolutely cool is that?
.and to Dave M. whose love, support and devotion really helped me get through this. Thank you so much.

(I really hope I didn't miss anyone)

Anyway, the worst is over. All I have to do now is to fully recover. I have no fine motor skills yet, as in I can't draw a line to save my life right now. Which simply means, I can't draw. I'll get to people's artwork in time.

Thanks again everyone

-