I tried to get up earlier than this. I keep telling myself that I really want to get up early and go to the gym in the mornings, because I'm far too tired to do it at night. But of course, I'm foiled by my own body. I wasn't able to sleep well at all last night. I remember it being 2:55am before I was so frustrated at not being able to sleep, I just turned on the TV and watched the Food Network before I dozed off. At least that channel didn't turn into informercials at the stroke of 3.
It's fun being domestic. Yeah, I'd rather be cosmopolitan, but what can you do. I've given up on a night life in this city and my only hope now is to have more frequent trips to Toronto to see the boyfriend. Honestly, I would just love one weekend where I didn't have a plan, where I can just veg out and relax. I hate the idea that I have a huge list of things to do when I get home at night.
I hate the idea that I've become a responsible person. That I take my job too seriously, and now I have to think about my life and take that seriously as well. I hate the idea that I'm becoming 34 this year, and I don't feel like I've settled down. I feel like it's getting too late to have children, something I've been thinking about a lot in recent years. I hate becoming emotional when I think of it. Where was all this ten years ago?
I think one year from now, things may be a little different. I hope things are going to be different. I have an interesting plan that will hopefully get me up and out and help me learn more about myself. I feel like I've become far too stagnant, and all my energy is dormant, contained in this dried up little ball. I really need to kick start my life again and the next little while will be very interesting, depending on if my ideas can survive a few nights or weeks of sleep. I'll probably need a lot of help along the way, though I won't mention what my plans are here, at least not yet. Even so, it's good to write about it, because whatever will happen, at least there's a reminder floating out there on the internet that I did have something in mind.