I got back from the hospital last night. I'm still weak and my heart rate is still pretty high, and I still look like a zombified mess. I considered camming myself right now, but it's way too scary. I look and feel like an alien. There's a hole in my throat that's been bandaged over until it heals. My eyes are marbled scarlet. I have scabs all over my body. I lost a lot of muscle mass. I'm now this skinny, famished looking thing. Not sure why all those little things happened but that doesn't matter, because I guess I'm still here, ten fingers, ten toes and all.
I was sedated for about 10 days. I don't really remember waking up. Things are too hazy. But I had a tracheostomy tube in my throat to assist with breathing. Unfortunately that meant having a hole in my throat and not being able to speak. I couldn't eat, I was still hooked up to intraveneous tubes. The next two weeks I was getting better and stronger, but being in a hospital sucked. Long and lonely hours.
Day by day something new happened. My trach was replaced, and taken out over the span of a week. My IV's were taken out. My eyes are healing so hopefully by my birthday next week i'll somewhat look normal. All that's left is for me to be able to walk down my stairs without getting winded.
I don't know what i would have done without my family and Dave M. Dave and I are officially in a relationship (complicated start, beautiful finish) and he's been absolutely wonderful through all this. He's stayed with me every day, coming in after work to keep me company, even buying me a portable DVD player to help pass the time. I can't say enough how grateful I am to have him in my life right now, despite the drama and complications that this might have caused.
I hope I didn't worry anyone too much. I'm overwhelmed by all the thoughts, well wishes and prayers I've received through family and friends (online and offline) and even through strangers. I think I was the patient with the most flowers and most visitors in that ward. I just want to thank everyone for everything.
There are so many people that I want to thank personally. Some of you know why.:
.Jason for just being there, even if it was at the beginning and for lying to me when i asked if I would be alright on that first night.
.Jamie and Dave, the necklace is beautiful
.Kristine (Antisocial Dolly)
.Forlorn99 (Rik ROCKS the casbah. Thank you for the flowers, thank you for leaving Toronto just to visit me, thanks for being all around cool)
.Dave D. (8mm), for updating his LJ with news about my condition. “may not survive…” pssssssssssh
.Mike T, Mike A, Vanessa, and the Goll, for coming by all the way from Toronto, cramped in Mike A's car to visit me
.Doug, Damian, Tozer, Bryan, Sanford, Dave Cho, Peter, Amanda and Steve for taking time out of their work schedules to come and visit
.the dude named “Ian” who sent the Chicken soup flowers via FTD. I don't know who you are but thanks. :)
.Sadaf, Ed, and Sean, sorry I was asleep
.Sarah and all the ladies at Wickedsmileys.com for the beautiful flowers
.my entire family. Thank you to my Aunts Emma and Ellen for saying St. Francis' prayer over me
.my co-workers at Silicon Knights. They pitched in and bought me a Crystal edition Xbox. How absolutely cool is that?
.and to Dave M. whose love, support and devotion really helped me get through this. Thank you so much.
(I really hope I didn't miss anyone)
Anyway, the worst is over. All I have to do now is to fully recover. I have no fine motor skills yet, as in I can't draw a line to save my life right now. Which simply means, I can't draw. I'll get to people's artwork in time. :)
Thanks again everyone