Watching Heroes on a headache

The following are impressions of the premier of Heroes Season 3. It contains many spoilers. All I will say here is that i’m disappointed that the story and the feel of the first season didn’t return to the show I anxiously and eagerly watched back to back. It was at least entertaining though. I had a headache as I watched it, so it may have contributed to my bitterness. So without further adieu…

SPOILERS AFTER THE CUT!

We start 4 years in the future and lil miss Claire is about to shoot future Peter Petrelli. She says “I’ve always loved you” a line with classic cheese action hero assassin delivery before she shoots which makes you wonder if they’re implying uncle-on-neice action… or more obvious.. that Claire isn’t related to Peter at all.. but Peter gets away by using time travel action to teleport to the past so he could shoot his brother.

OK, let me tell you, I’ve always hated time-travel storylines. Days Future Past was fun in the X-Men, but the plotline and the device became so overused. Not to mention the dozens and dozens of little holes in time travel storylines which always brings writers to implement boring fail-safes such as “the timeline is extremely delicate so we have to be careful not to kill any mosquitos in the past in case that mosquito evolves to become Gandhi” and that sort of stuff. And yet it seems like when writers can’t come up with anything they always bring someone in from the future, or the past, or it becomes a holodeck malfunction episode and I’m just really bored of those.

So Nathan gets shot but is miraculously saved, JUST LIKE AT THE BEGINNING OF SEASON 1 OMG WHY DON’T YOU JUST DIE! A flying politician could have been an awesome character, but he explains it away by claiming God did it. /sigh

Future Peter hangs around just looking sinister. He transports Matt Parkman to a desert far far away. No one really misses him. Life must suck when you have no friends.

Sylar FINALLY gets in touch with Claire while mom and bro are out doing groceries. Convenient. And he succeeds in stealing her powers but Claire is so uber, she doesn’t die. Claire becomes more emo. Yawn.

Hiro Nakamura finds a plot device on his desk. He has a dangerous formula in his possession that he must defend under all costs. So what does he do with it? He takes it out of the safe and pretty much just hands it to the next super powered person that just happens to be in the vicinity at that exact moment. Maybe she was, like, hiding behind the curtains or something. To figure out whether what would happen to the world if he doesn’t get the formula back, he goes forward in time where he sees best bud Ando use scary red lightning powers to kill future badass Hiro. Of course, Hiro is under a personal code now to never go back in time to change the past even if it means keeping the formula safe from evil doers AND SAVING TOKYO FROM BEING DESTROYED. How frustrating is this shit.

I could go on about other plot points in Heroes, but it’d be too lame for me to describe. Let’s see… a Governor is suddenly interested in Nathan Petrelli on account of his being Born Again and all, and his advisor, whom he happens to be sleeping with, looks exactly like Nikki Sanders except she’s not aware of it and apparently she has powers to freeze people which she doesn’t discover until she gets pissed off at a nosy reporter.

And speaking of pissed off, Suresh tries to cure Maya but ends up finding a way to give super powers to EVERYONE, but instead of testing it further, he injects himself with it and gives himself super strength suspiciously like Spiderman. And the super powers makes him sort of horny, not unlike Brundle Fly, and he and Maya totally do it. But we know what happens to Brundle Fly right? Right.

So a bunch of other stuff happens which may or may not be significant. Claire gets all emo about her super powers. Future Peter gets all emo about “what have i done, i screwed up the past!” (where have we heard that from). Hiro is suspicious emo about Ando being a future villain. And best of all, we find out in the lamest of twists that Mama Petrelli is Sylar’s mom!

You know, I used to love the characters in Heroes Season 1. But this is sort of sad.

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